Dear Honey,
I just want you to know how proud I am of you….I am thrilled you are excited about your new job! It is a tremendous opportunity and you deserve it. You worked so hard to get the job, interviewed a bazillion times and truly convinced them you are THE man for the job.
So, now, the work (vacation) begins. The kids and I really miss you (hate you) now that you have officially started work (playtime). It is too bad (yeah right) that you have to be out of town for your first week of labor (sunning and drinking). I know you have a very hectic schedule (fraternity party) while you are gone….and it must be so hard for you to be holed up (St. Regis Hotel) in such a stuffy (beachy) place (heaven). I mean, I really hope they are treating you well (is that a down comforter?)
I know there will be a lot of meetings (seriously???? Beach Volleyball??? WTF?) 
and so much information (don’t forget your bathing suit) to take in, but you’ll battle through (have another). I hope you aren’t overwhelmed (sprain your ankle in the sand). I know you are such a hard worker (drinker) and there is so much for you to learn (can beer and pina coladas mix?) I really hope you get some down time (did you really think telling me there was a flat screen on the mirror in the bathroom was a good idea?) I know you didn’t mean to keep telling me I would love the hotel, (I wanted to jump through the phone and kick your sorry…well, you know) you just really wanted to share (gloat…jack#**)
Don’t worry about us (by ‘us’, I mean me and the children you fathered). We’re doing just fine (still hate you). Kids are great (fighting like cats and dogs) Weather here has been fantastic (yep, raining for the 417,000th day in a row) Everyone is sleeping well (15 minutes at a time) I’m getting plenty of exercise (taking toys up and down the stairs) and eating well (tyson chicken nuggets and fries..oh, and an apple).
By the time you come back, the house will be clean (under the thick layer of dirt tracked in from the rain), the toys will be put away (tossed out), the kids will be well mannered (except for the constant ‘no’s!’) and I will be waiting to welcome you home (long gone…note on the fridge….don’t try to find me).
Miss you much! (I. KNOW. YOU. DIDN’T. JUST. TELL. ME. YOU. COULD. PLAY. BASEBALL. ON. YOUR. BALCONY. WHILE. YOU. OVERLOOK. THE. OCEAN.)
Hugs and Kishes.
D
PS…If you’d like to give my husband a call to congratulate him on his new job (crank call)…he is in room 303 (just kidding)! I don’t even know his room number…that’s what cell phones are for, right?
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