Last night after I went to bed, I lay in the dark.
Every thought I had banished from my mind earlier in the day came creeping forward.
I was thinking about Maddie. And Heather and Mike. It just isn’t fair. It is kicking-and-screaming-bury-your-head-in-a-pillow-shake-your-fists-at-the-sky-unbearable.
I thought about my kids. The dark thoughts – the ones that warn me I may not always be immune to the type of pain Heather and Mike are experiencing – float through my veins like ice water.
I can’t even go there. But knowing that this is truly my greatest fear in life – this is what brings me – and I imagine so many other mothers and fathers – to support the Spohr family – to share their love – to donate to the March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor (Over $25K and counting) – to create donation buttons, to fly to LA with open arms and healing hugs – to organize Walks all over the country – to turn purple – to write and write and write AND WRITE.
I’m crying again.
Because I can’t imagine the pain.
Because there are so many others who know this pain and are kind enough to offer advice on how to help.
Because I am proud to be a part of a community that says, “come here so I can give you a big hug and make sure you know I am praying for you and will do anything in my power to take one minute of your hurt away.”
Because I am in awe of a woman I don’t even know, but feel like I just might, who has summoned the strength and grace to speak at her daughter’s service tomorrow.
I will be wearing purple tomorrow. I will be praying for this family I don’t know, but who’s loss will have us thinking the same thing at 2:30pm tomorrow.
Rest in Peace Sweet Girl – you were certainly loved.