I’ve just discovered I am afraid of something.
And, I mean very afraid.
What happens when I don’t have my ‘Magic Mommy Cape’ anymore? You know….the one that gives me the ability to swoop down and heal a hurt with a single kiss, the power to hug away the fear created by a thunderstorm, the knack for fixing any toy that is snapped by little fingers….
I know it will happen….that day when Mini nods through tears when I ask if she’d like me to ‘kiss it to make it better’….and then answers ‘no’ when I say, ‘Did that help?’ The day Coop looks pleadingly at me hoping I can fix his favorite toy, but can’t.
I didn’t know that wearing the cape would make me feel so strong, so powerful. I didn’t know I would slip it on with such ease, the very moment I gave birth, but I did. I didn’t realize how lovingly I would care for my Mommy Cape, how intensely I would protect the power it yields, but I do.
I didn’t know I would ultimately refuse to take it off, but I will. There is something about this special healing cape that makes me feel complete. I have been strong enough to keep my tears at bay while watching my children undergo painful and frightening medical testing (I broke down on my own later), I have run faster than I thought capable as I watched my toddler make a run for the street, I have bolted out of a dead sleep to comfort both of them from the throes of a nightmare, I have stomached vomit and other bodily fluids when clearly I never thought I could.
What if I refuse to take it off? There isn’t anyone who actually comes and TAKES it from me…is there? In fact, I think Mommys do have the right of refusal. How else would my mom still be wearing hers?