I always had this grand vision that my children would look like me. So when Delaney was born with a full head of dark brown hair, I briefly wondered if it was possible she had been switched. But that was just my delusional-drug-filled brain doing the talking.
I mean, I watched her as she was born. So, clearly, she was mine. And yet…..why doesn’t she look like me? I have more of a strawberry blond head of hair – and my hubby, well, he has brown hair, but not THAT brown.
From the moment we decided on her name, Delaney, we have called her Mini D. (‘D’ is my nickname ) Now, she is often just ‘Mini’ – and yet – I’m still looking for the resemblance. I’ll be honest, it is a BUMMER.
I think I have some after-school-special stuck in my head – you know where the mom and daughter walk hand-in-hand and you can clearly see they belong to each other.
So far, notsomuch.
Now, at 5 years old, my sweet girl’s hair has lightened up – but still – I search the freckles on her nose, looking for a familiar pattern. I stare into the chocolate of her eyes and see a stronger version of my husband. But where am I? I am in there, aren’t I?
I have friends who knew me way-back-when – many of them think she looks like me – but I don’t see it. I wish I did.
I’m not sure why I have this need to identify her as mine, but I do. I somehow want there to be an outward sign that bonds her as the daughter and me as the mother. I battled through 9 months of carrying, the labor, the hemorrhaging and the emergency surgery that brought her into this world.
And, I wouldn’t change a single moment of it. But still, I sort of want a sign.
It is easy to see her Daddy in her. And sometimes I hear a little of me in her speech, but I don’t always want to claim those moments.
However, I have to confess, today, something small happened.
Jeff said, he could see me in her….when she was smiling. Is there a better moment – ever- to believe your child looks like you?
“Really?”, I breathed softly. Could it be possible that the world can really see she is mine?
“Really,” he said, “She’s beautiful.”
I guess that’s all I really need to hear.