Fourteen years ago right now, I was in labor with you.
Before I dive in to my thoughts, love and wishes for you this year…I have a bit of a tale to share.
I’m not sure you’ve ever heard this part of the story.
You were due on July 11th, a Sunday. On July 8th, my doctor said there was ZERO chance I would have you by my due date. In her words, I was ‘locked up tight’.
I was crushed. I was dying to meet you. And quite honestly, my body was dying to have you on the outside.
On Friday evening, the 9th, your daddy and I went out to dinner. I ordered a delightful prime rib, went home and paced the house in the hopes of moving things along. I woke up at 4am, stumbled to the bathroom (you were a champ at pushing on my bladder) and, quite honestly, thought I had lost control of all bodily functions – but the truth is – my water had broken.
It wasn’t like a movie version of your water breaking – there was no gushing, no ‘oh-my-goodness’ moment.
Just a panicked call to the doctor, a ‘come in to the hospital immediately’, and a stay that would gift me you.
I’d had Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks and as I settled in, I didn’t FEEL any different – except I was giddy. I KNEW you were coming soon. As I was hooked to monitors and prodded by nurses, I felt the first (and last) true breath-robbing contraction and I knew you were on your way.
Within moments, I’d been given an epidural and from that moment, felt NOTHING. The nurses eventually learned that the epidural was too strong and it was suspected I would eventually experience ‘epidural headaches’ (they were right), so it was turned off completely. In my fragile state, I was convinced I was paralyzed and was overcome by imaginary future scenes that left me unable to walk and run with you as you grew.
Can we say hyperbolic and dramatic? Well, yes….but what I didn’t know was everything scary that WAS to come.
I pushed three times and beautiful, magical, amazing YOU appeared.
And you have been blowing my mind ever since.
In each of my past letters to you, I’ve shared wishes I have as you enter your next new year. This year is a little different….the YOU I see each day already possesses incredible qualities, and my desires for you simply center around KEEPING THEM.
A Letter to My Daughter on Her 14th Birthday: You Do You
Continue to dream. Make goals, wish on four leaf clovers, write notes to yourself with plans you are making for today, for tomorrow, for your future.
Make the funny faces. Your sense of humor and ability to avoid taking yourself too seriously are truly some of your best qualities. Your level of self awareness and comfort in your own skin are light years beyond where I was at your age and it is MAGICAL to witness. I hope you always love your freckles, choose the sweatpants, throw your hair in a ponytail and roll your eyes at the notion of spending an hour in front of the mirror getting ready. You definitely don’t get these qualities from my younger self, but so hope the comfort I feel in this 40-something version of me is the model you need to continue to be you.
Punky. Little Bear. Sweet Girl. D-Money.
YOU DO YOU. You’re doing a darn good job so far.
Today may be your birthday, but it is my BIRTH-DAY and I will always smile knowing you are the one who gifted me the role of Mom. Thank you, my girl.
Happy Birthday my sweet Mini.